The next week

I must admit, I really am looking forward to the next week. First came tonight- Halloween. I love Halloween- it's always been one of my favorite holidays, but there's nothing quite like celebrating it with my husband's family. We lug the kids, in costume, to my brother in law's house, where there are always plentiful snacks and a crock pot full of hot apple cider. Oh, and a bottle of Hot Damn to go WITH the cider. If you've never had hot cider with hot damn in it you are truly missing out on one of fall's pleasures.

At that point, the hubby and I draw straws to see who hikes it with the kids and who stays behind to drink with brother in law. This year I won- I got to stay behind. I get along very well with my brother in law- he's awesome. Plus, it was kind of fun watching all the mom's in the neighborhood (VERY tight knit neighborhood) wonder who this chick is in Eric and Kim's house. LOL. I KNOW there's some gossip flying in that 'hood tonight.

Anyhow, now we're home, fully candied up, kids are in bed, and we're turning on a scary movie. The best part is it's only 9:30!!!

Next thing to be excited for- Tomorrow night we're going to a halloween party. A "costumes mandatory" party. I am SOOOO looking forward to it- we haven't gone to a grown ups party in a loooooong time.

After that is election day. To me, that's always a big deal, even if I don't like who I'm "forced" to vote for. This year, however, I am HUGELY excited to vote for Obama. I think he's a force of nature and I can't wait to see what he does as president to turn our ailing country around.

The very next day is my birthday. This year it will probably be pretty anti-climatic since I already got my birthday present from my parents (my mom took me shopping for clothes to wear for a business trip) and since I had a nice vacation with the girls in October, I'm GUESSING that my husband won't be getting me anything either. Still, a birthday is a cause for celebration, and I do have the next day off. LOL

That pretty much covers it all, but it should be a great week. I'm super excited. YAY!

Alcohol is my friend

You know what I love? Alcohol. I really do love alcohol. Vodka is a wonderful thing.

I had a long day. It was my day off, but it was still a reallllllly long day- my daughter was home with me all day. We went to the library, which is usually a good thing- we have FUN at the library. However, she was whiny and tired when we left to go there. I just wanted a vampire book- that's all I wanted. Just a vampire book. Is that so much to ask? A vampire book with some romance. However, my daughter wasn't in the mood to wait around while I looked for a vampire book, so we went up to the children's section and found books for her first. Not a problem- we found some princess books, which is a big thing for her, and I thought all would be good. It was sooo not. She still wouldn't hang out while I searched for a vampire book. Well, turns out my stupid freaking library had no vampire books with romance and sex, anyhow. Grr.

Anyhow, I found an ok book- it's a series of supernatural short stories, which is fine, but I really really wish I could've gotten my vampire book. Grr.

I don't need that!

It's 9:25 PM. I had a BIG dinner- a baked chicken breast with penne pasta and sun dried tomato alfredo sauce. After that, I had an apple. I am NOT HUNGRY! So, someone please tell me why I keep having to fight myself to keep from going to the kitchen to hunt for chocolate? Seriously- I don't need chocolate right now. I'm not even a LITTLE hungry. I swear, my body is trying its hardest to sabotage my efforts at losing that nasty roll of fat that hangs over my jeans.

Maybe the problem is living so close to my mother. After all, she did send home an entire box of chips with me last weekend. And some cream cheese danish. Oh, and no-bake cookies. I think she WANTS me to be fat!

Grrr. Self control- that's what I'm missing. Will power and self control. Maybe I should invest in velcro- I'll sew it to all my comfy pants so that when I'm wearing them (I change into comfys as soon as I get home from work) my ass is firmly velcroed to the couch. Of course, that would defeat my plan to eventually start working out. Hmmmm. One step at a time I guess. LOL

Another day, another reason to feel guilty

I have to admit it. I'm getting fat. I've always been the skinny girl, but since I hit 30, I'm getting fat. It started literally ON my 30th birthday. That's when I first noticed that my previously comfortable size 4 jeans were no longer so comfy. By the time 31 rolled around, I had moved up to a size 6. I'm ok with a size 6. Cindy Crawford is a size 6, after all, and look where she's gotten. Now 32 is creeping up on me (Only a week away now - gasp!) and I'm staring size 8 in the face. The worst part? I lost all the extra weight earlier this summer- I was back in my comfy old size 4s- and I've managed to gain it all back, PLUS SOME!

I have to do something about this, but instead I continue to eat. Eat and eat and eat- whatever and whenever I feel like it. Pecan tarts at 10 pm? SURE!! Oh, but you just had a marshmallow creme at 9? BIG DEAL!! That's how I ate in my 20s- and it was FINE! Through 2 pregnancies and everything- I lost the weight no problem. Now, here I am standing on the wrong side of 30 and the weight seems to come out of nowhere. I know what I need to do to get rid of it- I have to actually WATCH what I eat- eat less, and eat better. Cut the candy and probably cut back on the alcohol (nectar of the gods!). Can I do it? Probably. Have I done it? Hells no- I'm too lazy. I'd rather sit back and have another Chunky bar.

Maybe that can be my new nickname. Chunky. Hmmmm.

Aging kind of sucks

Once upon a time, back in my late teens and early 20s, I felt like a beautiful woman. I rarely walked into a room where heads didn't turn. I was hot. Then it seems that I lost that. It seems to have disappeared sometime around the birth of my second child.

Since reaching my 30s, I've rarely been aware of men being interested in me. Those that are, are not men who's interest I want- blech! Mostly fat, bald men approaching 60, or dirty smelly guys in their early 20s. Certainly nobody crush-worthy.

It's all very disappointing, this growing older thing. I feel like I've lost "it". I don't know where "it" went or how I could get "it" back, but it's certainly not here anymore. And I know I used to have "it". If I could only pinpoint when and where I lost it. Hmmmm.

I think what I need is a crush. Preferably a crush on someone who's mutually crushing on me. I need that little heart flutter, I think. Sigh.

A little bit about ME!

Since you're reading this blog, I figure you must want to know a little bit about me. Why else would you be here, right?

I'm in my early 30s. I have 2 children, and I've been married for going on 9 years. I currently live in Michigan, which is beautiful in the summer time up really sucks in the winter, but I don't know how much longer I'm planning on sticking around.

My husband and I both grew up here, you see, and this is where our parents are. However, we lived in Illinois for several years, and we found that we did much better as a family when we lived AWAY from the REST of our family. That, and the economy here is much worse than anywhere else in the country, and the job market sucks. So, it's time to move on.

While my husband and I are in complete agreement that it is, in fact, time to move on, and we've even agreed (without much discussion as we always seem to be on the same page) where we want to move on TOO, the guilt I'm anticipating receiving from my mother (Catholic, natch) makes me reluctant. This is just one of the many, many things I'm struggling with right now. Hence, the blog!

So, this is a place for me to talk out all the things I'm struggling with. I'm slightly neurotic, and since I can't vent to my friends right now (most of them are against me moving, and nobody takes my neurosis too seriously), I need a place to talk it out. Again, hence the blog.

If you're reading this, thanks- it means maybe I AM more interesting than I take myself to be. Drop me an email and let me know what you think! Thanks, and look for more about me and my many neurotic ramblings soon.